The Soul Mate Myth by Jean Cirillo

Author:Jean Cirillo [Cirillo, Jean]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781440526664
Publisher: Adams Media
Published: 2012-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 4

Letting Go a Little

Before you can move forward towards meeting a great guy there are some things that you need to let go of. It’s perfectly fine to desire your partner to have similar interests as you, or to have certain abilities, or to even look a certain way, but that perfect soul mate doesn’t exist and you need to stop being blinded by your search for those particular qualities and not noticing a man’s own unique but wonderful traits when they are right in front of you, just because he doesn’t meet the other “requirements.” Don’t worry though, letting go of some of your expectations isn’t as hard as you may think. And the good news is that there are things that you do get to hold on to: attraction and compatibility. You just have to learn to reconsider what qualities lead to these things in a relationship.

Constructing the Perfect Man—on Paper

Look, it’s okay to have a general idea of what kind of man you want to be involved with. You’d like him to be funny, warm-hearted, emotionally stable, and emotionally intelligent. Great! But, be honest, do you want all of the above plus he has to be tall, commit two hours a day to his fitness, be well-off, drive a nice car, etc.? If you say, “I just want a good guy” but then you also require all of those subsequent particular qualities, then you are lying to yourself. You don’t just want a good guy. You’re pickier than you realize.

The problem with a list like this is that you might miss out on a Mr. Right-for-You because you’re out there looking for your soul mate, who isn’t going to show up. Now, no one is saying that you won’t end up with a sweet, attractive, romantic guy who is tall and has a good job, but when you start getting really specific you start closing off doors. Remember when we discussed mental filtering, focusing upon one aspect of a situation, rather than seeing the whole picture, in Chapter 3? Having a list that’s too specific is like that.

The real danger is that while some characteristics, such as your physical attraction to someone, may be evident from the start, other traits may take some time to reveal themselves. People are complex creatures, and as a result, most of us don’t show all our traits at once. Do you walk into a party and immediately reveal that you are not only intelligent, funny, and ambitious, but that you love to cuddle in bed and are the type to surprise your lover with sexy lingerie from time to time? Didn’t think so.

So, let’s say you meet a man who seems laid back and a little shy. He doesn’t kiss you on the first date. Maybe not even the second. So, you categorize him as wimpy or not very manly and you decide to not see him again because on that list of mandatory requirements is “strong man.” But, had

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